Three years and 8 days ago Lila opened up her piggy bank and used all that cash to buy a fish.
She named him “I Don’t Know” and we have laughed about his name mix ups ever since.
Tonight I Don’t Know passed away. I am actually surprised by how sad I feel.
When we got him. Lila was 3 and Abby and Zack were 15 months old.
(Now Abby & Zack are 3, Lila is 6, and Alex is almost 18 months old. And I can't even find a recent picture with all 4 of them in it...)
We knew I Don’t Know’s time was coming to a close so no one was really surprised when I told them that he had died. Here’s a few of the things the kids said:
Lila: (after examining him) He’s dead. He’s perfectly dead.
Zack: He’ll come alive again & then he won’t die again!
Lila: He’s like part of my family.
Zack: You silly, he IS!!
Lila: I kind of feel bad for him. He’s had a hard time!
Zack: I think his spirit is gone to heaven.
Lila: I tapped the glass and he wasn’t scared, so I think he’s dead!
Emily: Abby (who hasn’t said anything up until this point) do you think anything about I Don’t Know?
Abby: I think he’s dead.
Lila: I KNEW I loved I Don’t Know.
Lila: I BELIEVE he will come alive again. I always knew that Cameron would come alive again, even though he’s gone. I know I Don’t Know will come alive again too.
Lila: I feel like my heart is crying.
Lila: When I’m a grown up and I put my kids to bed I’ll tell them stories about when I was a kid RIGHT NOW and I’ll tell them about when my fish died and they’ll probably be sad for me.
Lila: I said a prayer to Heavenly Father to help me calm down. When I take a deep breath I let all the sadness out of me.
Abby: You let air out of you too!
Zack: I wish you could just call Jesus and he would come down so we could get resurrected right now.
Zack: (After talking about putting a stone on I Don’t Know’s grave) Then he might be rising up and he might hit the stone. OUCH!!
Zack: Yeah, Jesus will move our stone. (when we are resurrected).
Zack: They will write on the stone who it is so we should write "I Don’t Know" on the stone and then they might think we don’t know who is there.
Abby: So we should write “Fishes Grave”.
Lila: Even though we don’t know where Heaven is and where Jesus is, we have faith that Jesus is real!
Lila: I bet now that he is in heaven he feels better because he is happy and he doesn’t hurt anymore.
Lila: I know that if I die I will be happy because I will be with everyone I love.
We had a great talk about the resurrection. (To be honest, I am not sure that fish qualify for resurrected status but still…) As we talked, I was so touched by their simple faith in the plan of salvation and in the resurrection. Lila has dealt with death more than most little kids and I love that she has such a testimony of heaven. Her simple faith is inspiring to me. For her sake, I hope that there ARE fish in heaven!
We will miss you I Don't Know!